Change.

So im sitting here in my bed, wondering, "What am I going to write about?" Notice I havent written anything since what, May? Thats awful! So much has happened and I have a lot on my mind right now, many things are stressin' me out, confusing me, and frustrating me. But you know what? I'm tired of feeling that way, so I had a good talk with God the other day and asked that he would take all those worries and burdens and replace those feelings with peace and assurance that everything's going to be ok. And you know what? He has! Ofcourse, thats nothing surprising...

I'm going through a LOT of change right now. And it's not like it was a gradual change. Im talking all at the same time, life-altering, make-huge-decisions-and-make-sure-its-the-right-one-or-else-your-life-will-be-messed-up kind of change.

All at the same time I had my best friend of 4 years (I feel like its been longer) move away to Chicago for college, I decided to actually go to college, and its possible i might move out with my sister in an apartment. Now, that really doesn't seem too bad, but think about all of the change and decisions that comes with all of that. Sara, whom I used to see all the time, my basically other half since we are weirdly connected (lol!) has moved away and I don't see her all the time. The only way I can communicate with her is through internet and texting. Its funny, but I see certain things and laugh and though it might not be funny to someone else, I know she would think it were funny too. Or I would see someone who looks like her and all of the sudden I want to be their friend only because they remind me of her. Sounds weird I know, but thats just how I feel. How would you like it someone you spent all of your time with just up and went away? It aint nice! But I know its for the better.

Then the other change is that i've been experiencing is college myself. I havent truly been to college and experienced it since i graduated nearly 4 years ago. I dont count the community college down the road as a college experience for me though. I was only there for like...2 semesters for a total of what, 3 classes, if that? It was pointless there, I met no one and was not enjoying myself. But anyways, as I was saying. The university i go to now- i feel like i have purpose there. Im meeting new people and i actually enjoy doing the homework (what?!) and learning (huh!?). Yes, its true. Im learning so much. A lot about myself actually, but ill get to that later perhaps in a different post.

But with college comes....financial stress. And MAN can I tell you its ANNOYING!? Do you know how many times I applied for loans? Four....yes, FOUR, and I STILL cannot get accepted! So im sure youre asking, "then how are you going to school right now?" Well...see, im just trusting that this last loan will accept me. Its through the bank i've been with since i was fourteen, and i've been in communication with them and it seems promising.

Doesn't anyone take loans without co-sigs anymore? Why is this country making it too hard for people like me to try to go to school? Don't they know Im trying to better myself and get an education? Why is it that people who are going to school right now but dont even want to be there are getting money when this country is making it impossible for me to go? Argh!! But again, im trusting God will take care of me.

THEN (yes, im not finished, and yes, i realize this is a long blog) during this whole time of change and waiting for loans and whatnot, I agreed with my sister that I'd move out with her. Sounds great right? Well, if i cant get this loan then i'd have to pay more than $500 a MONTH for the next 3 months or less to finish my payments for school. Did i fail to mention to you that we already got an apartment and are waiting to move into it? Ah yes, i did fail to mention that. But no worries, I have already talked to her and let her know that if this loan does not go through, theres no way i'd be able to move out of my parents' dirty, musty, damp, dark (must i go on? yes. i think i will) smelly, dusty, dungeon basement.She totally understands and we are still able to break the contract if i find out we just cant move out. Sigh...too much stress. But dont forget that I gave my worries to God and i'm not freaking out about it.

Im just going to take life one step at a time. I'll embrace the change and do my best to...do my best. Ha.