Hurray for Fridays!! Friday's = Freedom!!!
Dinggggg, wrong.
Today Im here at the office, working on the newsletter our church sends out every 3 months. Now usually I have Friday's off, but since i've been going to school nowadays, sometimes i'll come in to finish some things I didn't get to.
I've decided I won't eat lunch today, but nonetheless I still need a break and something to distract me. Thus, I will write! Ha, who writes when they're bored? I guess I do every once in a while. Sometimes I get in these weird moods where I just feel like writing. Not a whole lot of people read my blogs, so it's not like I'm writing expecting people to actually read them. I mean, sure people from germany, hong kong and other places are visiting my blog, but I doubt they understand or care to read my blogs. But that doesn't stop me!
(I realize I'm rambling, but just stick with me)
I haven't exactly posted my blog for the world to see, maybe because that'll mean...people will actually read them. In my previous post, "It's not easy being me", I wrote about how hard it is to be me sometimes. It's almost like I have to live a secret life. I can't get close to people because as a leader, I can't really get close to them. I dont know who made up that rule but I dont like it. Sure, I understand it a bit. But dont you think people should know that you're not perfect and you're just like everyone else?
Im not saying that I'm awesome, or special, or talented, or gifted or anything like that. I was just so happened to be placed in the position I'm in. I try to be humble in everything I do. I try to be kind and understanding, compassionate and loving. I hope I lead with wisdom and love. But, sometimes I fail at that. Sometimes I'm not kind or understanding. Sometimes....-gasp- I make mistakes! And you know what? Thats ok! And people should get close to me to find out that I am a person who will let others down and make mistakes.
I feel like if i were to let myself be known to people for who I really am- funny, goofy, cant-talk-right, weird- then...I dont know...like, they wont want to be around me? That doesn't really make sense, but I dont really know how else to say it.
Switching topics now~~~
So...I have a confession to make. I have probably watched wayyyyy to many hours of Doctor Who. I....found a website...that has all of the episodes and seasons. Do you realize what that means?!!?! It means I can spend countless hours and hours upon hours watching my favorite Doctor nonstop. And trust me...I have been. I can't tell you how many hours I have wasted away watching that show only this week. I cant help it! Its so good! Im....obsessed. I started watching somewhere in the middle of season 3 and went all the way up to season 5.
I cried when my love David Tennant switched to the now 11th doctor, Matt Smith. I actually cried. I loved David Tennant as the 10th doctor!! He wasn't violent and never carried a gun. Man...I just love his geekiness... (oh my gosh, i sound like a nerd)
I've already watched some of the season 5, and so i decided since, I already miss my David, I'm going to start from season 1. Its some different guy right now and he has big ears. I can't wait to see him be transformed to Tennant. This big eared guy seems mean and almost evil. Which is pretty interesting cause thats not what Im used to in the Doctor.
Anywho, I should get back to work.
Happy Fridays!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
"I've missed the boat"
Ahh, yes, what a beautiful day in the neighborhood! The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and im in my living room watching hours of Doctor Who. A show on the BBC channel that i have recently become addicted to. Its weird and strange, cheesy and has cheap graphics. But eh, i love it, and so does the UK apparently. They're obsessed with it, and now so am i. Hey, if you can't beat'em, join'em. I've got the show to record all of the episodes and save them. Now on every Friday I can waist away my life for a few hours. It also gives me an excuse not to do my homework till later...
But Doctor Who is not the reason and subject for writing this post. Instead, im writing because I've come to notice that I am very closed minded. I take that back. I was close minded.
Before I started school, all i ever did was go to church and work. And I happen to work at a church. So put 2 and 2 together, and you get:
My whole life consisted inside of a church building.
Not that thats bad at all, whatsoever. But its just the fact that I did nothing to go outside of the church building and reach out to the lost. Which is what Jesus commanded us to do. God didnt send His Son so that he could stay in the synagogues and stay with the religious leaders and lawmakers. No, instead He sent His son so that he could save the lost, the poor, the oppressed...the sinners. Jesus wasn't bound in a church building, instead, he was bound to a cross. His whole life's purpose was to save us. To save us from our sins. How did he do that? He ate with sinners. He healed blind men, he made prostitutes and adulterers feel whole again. He made lepers who felt ugly and made them beautiful again. He went up to the very people that we as humans would set aside and see as unimportant. He went down to their level and looked them straight in their eyes and gave them hope. Hope to live forever. With him.
(Wow, that sounds pretty good, i could make that a sermon, couldnt I!...Moving on....)
With that being said, what am I doing as a follower of Jesus? What have I done to reach the poor, the oppressed, the lost? Have I done anything to build relationship with sinners like Jesus did? What am I doing? Am I even doing anything?
I've come to the realization that no, no im not. Sure, im impacting and making relationships with the people in my church. But it's not the found that need seeking, and its not the whole that need healing.
Now, I know without a shadow of a doubt in my mind that i am a good person. I know i have a relationship with Jesus and I love God. I also know that I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me. But with that said, I still havent reached out to the lost outside of my church walls.
Why has it taken till now to realize that I need to go out of the world....only to go back into it again? His grace has rescued me, and I ought to share it with everyone, not just those who share the same faith as me.
Im ashamed. Im upset. Im disappointed....in myself. Haven't I read the Bible through and through? Then how did i miss it? How did i miss the most important thing? How many more has missed the mark too?
I've grown up thinking that I should set myself apart from the world. "Dont listen to that music. Dont hang out with those people. Dont go to those places. Dont do this. Dont do that." But, thats not what Jesus did. He hung out with those people. He went to those places. He did this and he did that. Im not really sure if he listened to that music, because im not really sure if they had hip hop or rock n roll in those days...but you get the idea. What Im trying to say is this...Jesus loved these sinners with a painful passion. He was willing to look like an idiot to those who thought he was wrong. He was willing to be looked down at. He was willing for people to be down right angry and want to kill him. But that didn't stop him. He was bold. He was courageous, and he didn't let those sinners transform him into something he's not. Instead, he changed them into something much bigger than they ever thought they could be. He gave them life and hope.
I want to be like that. I want to be able to eat with sinners and be an impact in their life. I want to be an example of what a Christ-ian is. A real christ-ian.
I want to become relatable. How can I be relatable if i have nothing to relate to them with? I have no idea who some of the most famous singers and actors are. How can i say, "you shouldnt listen to her because her lyrics are bad." Well, how do i know? Because i know she's not a christian artist and so she obviously must sing about bad things? Im not saying that i should just listen to bad songs with wronchy lyrics all the time. But what I am saying is that I shouldnt be so judgmental. I should have atleast listened to the song once so that I can say whether or not its ok to listen to it.
I've totally missed the boat. "I've missed the ball" as i've also heard.
So whats next? Now i'm going to go out and build relationship with people who dont know Jesus. Im not going to bash him down their throats or shout it in the streets. Im not going to go up to random people i dont know and ask them to say the sinners prayer with me. No, instead, im going to become their friend. Im going to get personal with them. Im going to live the life of a christ-ian and show them the love that Jesus has for them. And when the moments right, when the opportunity arrises, when they're ready.... I'll tell them about his love, and what he did to show it.
<3
But Doctor Who is not the reason and subject for writing this post. Instead, im writing because I've come to notice that I am very closed minded. I take that back. I was close minded.
Before I started school, all i ever did was go to church and work. And I happen to work at a church. So put 2 and 2 together, and you get:
My whole life consisted inside of a church building.
Not that thats bad at all, whatsoever. But its just the fact that I did nothing to go outside of the church building and reach out to the lost. Which is what Jesus commanded us to do. God didnt send His Son so that he could stay in the synagogues and stay with the religious leaders and lawmakers. No, instead He sent His son so that he could save the lost, the poor, the oppressed...the sinners. Jesus wasn't bound in a church building, instead, he was bound to a cross. His whole life's purpose was to save us. To save us from our sins. How did he do that? He ate with sinners. He healed blind men, he made prostitutes and adulterers feel whole again. He made lepers who felt ugly and made them beautiful again. He went up to the very people that we as humans would set aside and see as unimportant. He went down to their level and looked them straight in their eyes and gave them hope. Hope to live forever. With him.
(Wow, that sounds pretty good, i could make that a sermon, couldnt I!...Moving on....)
With that being said, what am I doing as a follower of Jesus? What have I done to reach the poor, the oppressed, the lost? Have I done anything to build relationship with sinners like Jesus did? What am I doing? Am I even doing anything?
I've come to the realization that no, no im not. Sure, im impacting and making relationships with the people in my church. But it's not the found that need seeking, and its not the whole that need healing.
Now, I know without a shadow of a doubt in my mind that i am a good person. I know i have a relationship with Jesus and I love God. I also know that I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me. But with that said, I still havent reached out to the lost outside of my church walls.
Why has it taken till now to realize that I need to go out of the world....only to go back into it again? His grace has rescued me, and I ought to share it with everyone, not just those who share the same faith as me.
Im ashamed. Im upset. Im disappointed....in myself. Haven't I read the Bible through and through? Then how did i miss it? How did i miss the most important thing? How many more has missed the mark too?
I've grown up thinking that I should set myself apart from the world. "Dont listen to that music. Dont hang out with those people. Dont go to those places. Dont do this. Dont do that." But, thats not what Jesus did. He hung out with those people. He went to those places. He did this and he did that. Im not really sure if he listened to that music, because im not really sure if they had hip hop or rock n roll in those days...but you get the idea. What Im trying to say is this...Jesus loved these sinners with a painful passion. He was willing to look like an idiot to those who thought he was wrong. He was willing to be looked down at. He was willing for people to be down right angry and want to kill him. But that didn't stop him. He was bold. He was courageous, and he didn't let those sinners transform him into something he's not. Instead, he changed them into something much bigger than they ever thought they could be. He gave them life and hope.
I want to be like that. I want to be able to eat with sinners and be an impact in their life. I want to be an example of what a Christ-ian is. A real christ-ian.
I want to become relatable. How can I be relatable if i have nothing to relate to them with? I have no idea who some of the most famous singers and actors are. How can i say, "you shouldnt listen to her because her lyrics are bad." Well, how do i know? Because i know she's not a christian artist and so she obviously must sing about bad things? Im not saying that i should just listen to bad songs with wronchy lyrics all the time. But what I am saying is that I shouldnt be so judgmental. I should have atleast listened to the song once so that I can say whether or not its ok to listen to it.
I've totally missed the boat. "I've missed the ball" as i've also heard.
So whats next? Now i'm going to go out and build relationship with people who dont know Jesus. Im not going to bash him down their throats or shout it in the streets. Im not going to go up to random people i dont know and ask them to say the sinners prayer with me. No, instead, im going to become their friend. Im going to get personal with them. Im going to live the life of a christ-ian and show them the love that Jesus has for them. And when the moments right, when the opportunity arrises, when they're ready.... I'll tell them about his love, and what he did to show it.
<3
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Change.
So im sitting here in my bed, wondering, "What am I going to write about?" Notice I havent written anything since what, May? Thats awful! So much has happened and I have a lot on my mind right now, many things are stressin' me out, confusing me, and frustrating me. But you know what? I'm tired of feeling that way, so I had a good talk with God the other day and asked that he would take all those worries and burdens and replace those feelings with peace and assurance that everything's going to be ok. And you know what? He has! Ofcourse, thats nothing surprising...
I'm going through a LOT of change right now. And it's not like it was a gradual change. Im talking all at the same time, life-altering, make-huge-decisions-and-make-sure-its-the-right-one-or-else-your-life-will-be-messed-up kind of change.
All at the same time I had my best friend of 4 years (I feel like its been longer) move away to Chicago for college, I decided to actually go to college, and its possible i might move out with my sister in an apartment. Now, that really doesn't seem too bad, but think about all of the change and decisions that comes with all of that. Sara, whom I used to see all the time, my basically other half since we are weirdly connected (lol!) has moved away and I don't see her all the time. The only way I can communicate with her is through internet and texting. Its funny, but I see certain things and laugh and though it might not be funny to someone else, I know she would think it were funny too. Or I would see someone who looks like her and all of the sudden I want to be their friend only because they remind me of her. Sounds weird I know, but thats just how I feel. How would you like it someone you spent all of your time with just up and went away? It aint nice! But I know its for the better.
Then the other change is that i've been experiencing is college myself. I havent truly been to college and experienced it since i graduated nearly 4 years ago. I dont count the community college down the road as a college experience for me though. I was only there for like...2 semesters for a total of what, 3 classes, if that? It was pointless there, I met no one and was not enjoying myself. But anyways, as I was saying. The university i go to now- i feel like i have purpose there. Im meeting new people and i actually enjoy doing the homework (what?!) and learning (huh!?). Yes, its true. Im learning so much. A lot about myself actually, but ill get to that later perhaps in a different post.
But with college comes....financial stress. And MAN can I tell you its ANNOYING!? Do you know how many times I applied for loans? Four....yes, FOUR, and I STILL cannot get accepted! So im sure youre asking, "then how are you going to school right now?" Well...see, im just trusting that this last loan will accept me. Its through the bank i've been with since i was fourteen, and i've been in communication with them and it seems promising.
Doesn't anyone take loans without co-sigs anymore? Why is this country making it too hard for people like me to try to go to school? Don't they know Im trying to better myself and get an education? Why is it that people who are going to school right now but dont even want to be there are getting money when this country is making it impossible for me to go? Argh!! But again, im trusting God will take care of me.
THEN (yes, im not finished, and yes, i realize this is a long blog) during this whole time of change and waiting for loans and whatnot, I agreed with my sister that I'd move out with her. Sounds great right? Well, if i cant get this loan then i'd have to pay more than $500 a MONTH for the next 3 months or less to finish my payments for school. Did i fail to mention to you that we already got an apartment and are waiting to move into it? Ah yes, i did fail to mention that. But no worries, I have already talked to her and let her know that if this loan does not go through, theres no way i'd be able to move out of my parents' dirty, musty, damp, dark (must i go on? yes. i think i will) smelly, dusty, dungeon basement.She totally understands and we are still able to break the contract if i find out we just cant move out. Sigh...too much stress. But dont forget that I gave my worries to God and i'm not freaking out about it.
Im just going to take life one step at a time. I'll embrace the change and do my best to...do my best. Ha.
I'm going through a LOT of change right now. And it's not like it was a gradual change. Im talking all at the same time, life-altering, make-huge-decisions-and-make-sure-its-the-right-one-or-else-your-life-will-be-messed-up kind of change.
All at the same time I had my best friend of 4 years (I feel like its been longer) move away to Chicago for college, I decided to actually go to college, and its possible i might move out with my sister in an apartment. Now, that really doesn't seem too bad, but think about all of the change and decisions that comes with all of that. Sara, whom I used to see all the time, my basically other half since we are weirdly connected (lol!) has moved away and I don't see her all the time. The only way I can communicate with her is through internet and texting. Its funny, but I see certain things and laugh and though it might not be funny to someone else, I know she would think it were funny too. Or I would see someone who looks like her and all of the sudden I want to be their friend only because they remind me of her. Sounds weird I know, but thats just how I feel. How would you like it someone you spent all of your time with just up and went away? It aint nice! But I know its for the better.
Then the other change is that i've been experiencing is college myself. I havent truly been to college and experienced it since i graduated nearly 4 years ago. I dont count the community college down the road as a college experience for me though. I was only there for like...2 semesters for a total of what, 3 classes, if that? It was pointless there, I met no one and was not enjoying myself. But anyways, as I was saying. The university i go to now- i feel like i have purpose there. Im meeting new people and i actually enjoy doing the homework (what?!) and learning (huh!?). Yes, its true. Im learning so much. A lot about myself actually, but ill get to that later perhaps in a different post.
But with college comes....financial stress. And MAN can I tell you its ANNOYING!? Do you know how many times I applied for loans? Four....yes, FOUR, and I STILL cannot get accepted! So im sure youre asking, "then how are you going to school right now?" Well...see, im just trusting that this last loan will accept me. Its through the bank i've been with since i was fourteen, and i've been in communication with them and it seems promising.
Doesn't anyone take loans without co-sigs anymore? Why is this country making it too hard for people like me to try to go to school? Don't they know Im trying to better myself and get an education? Why is it that people who are going to school right now but dont even want to be there are getting money when this country is making it impossible for me to go? Argh!! But again, im trusting God will take care of me.
THEN (yes, im not finished, and yes, i realize this is a long blog) during this whole time of change and waiting for loans and whatnot, I agreed with my sister that I'd move out with her. Sounds great right? Well, if i cant get this loan then i'd have to pay more than $500 a MONTH for the next 3 months or less to finish my payments for school. Did i fail to mention to you that we already got an apartment and are waiting to move into it? Ah yes, i did fail to mention that. But no worries, I have already talked to her and let her know that if this loan does not go through, theres no way i'd be able to move out of my parents' dirty, musty, damp, dark (must i go on? yes. i think i will) smelly, dusty, dungeon basement.She totally understands and we are still able to break the contract if i find out we just cant move out. Sigh...too much stress. But dont forget that I gave my worries to God and i'm not freaking out about it.
Im just going to take life one step at a time. I'll embrace the change and do my best to...do my best. Ha.
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